Frustration

I do not know if it's me or if it's my family... Things arent going well lately. Well, or rather, things arent going really well between me and my mother. I feel so frustrated at her nowadays. She likes to control me a lot like im a 7 year old kid or something. For heaven sake, i am 18 YEARS OLD! She likes to nag a lot and well, she cant stop nagging me like asking me to take a bath, eat, sleep and so on. And i just can't stand it. I cant even do the things i like without getting a stupid comment. Like when i said i want to go to a friend's house, she'll look at me and ask me who is it, etc etc. It's really frustrating.... I like to do stuff without being questioned and the more you question me, the more frustrated i will feel. I had a small a argument with her yesterday and as a result she declare a cold war on me.

What the hell! I was just telling her i would like to go and buy the DW6 to play since it's college hols and WHAT THE HELL! She started screaming on top of her lungs and all... She say it's a waste of money and so on... Oh mother, i am not like so many other teens who go out often alright? And is that a waste of money? YOU HAD CANCELED MY TRIP TO KL WITH MY FRIENDS CAUSE OF DAD AND NOW I CANT EVEN HAVE MY OWN TIME DOING THE THINGS I LIKE!!! Please mother, i respect you the most and now it's like...i hate you! You've been miserably controlling what i've been doing despite i the age of 18! Yes, i know, i am the only son and it's important for me to be success and all...or rather, that's what you people think about what i should do.

There you people say, "Traditional Chinese people are very stupid, they planned for the marriage for their children and all". And isnt it the same with me? You planned for my future and it's like...you're putting such a high hope on me! And i never even complained a single thing but except trying my best.

Do you know how sad i feel when you canceled my trip to KL? Yes, i do willingly agreed to cancel my trip to KL but it seems, father is more important afterall. After all those stuff he did, yet, you still decide to support him. Mother, usually i keep things in my heart and i seldom tell you people anything and everything. These new friends of mine are very important to me or rather, that's how i feel. For the fact that, they're really fun to be with and i'm really scared if i would lose that chance for not having a sweet time with them. Most of them are leaving soon and the last of the bunch to leave me will be at September 2009.

Please dont make curfew for me like im a 7 year old kid can? I have the rights to choose when to sleep and all. You never said anything about sisters. Yes, Cat knows what to do best and all but you'd never said anything when Chris were my age! If you still remember, she sleep at 5am everyday despite school days! I dont do that often... It's holiday now and can't i have my own sweet time doing my own stuff! You're forcing me to take a part time job...it's fine....maybe i should earn my own money but then, instead of that, you're telling me "You should learn how hard it is to earn money". Oh my dear mother, if you still remember, i've worked before and i feel fine by working. Yes, i am a lazy bum sitting at the laptop since im awake till i sleep. But this is MY PASSION! COMPUTER IS MY PASSION! It's a habit of mine already and to cure it, it's like asking a drug addict to stop taking drug!

When i was in school life, you were telling me, go out with your friends more often. Don't always stay at home... Now, even when i wanted to go somewhere, you'll be screaming at the top of your lungs and all! What do you want me to do? You're the one who asked me to go out often and now you turn back on your words my asking me or rather, forcing me to stay at home! Now, i dont even dare to tell you im going to Edward's house tomorrow because i know you'll be screaming at me again. Mom, please...i am 18 and i know what to do...it's just that i have this lazy attitude of mine and that's it!

Think about my school life and my college life. Which of me do you prefer? Someone who keep staring at the computer and play games even though it's exam period and never take make revision despite the fact that important exams is near... Or someone who knows what to do and make revision and all when exam is near? You're always telling me, do not compare with others and yet, you're comparing me with Nicholas and Guendeline! Yes, they're more intelligent and more hardworking that me and i cannot deny that. But then, what can i do? Make me change into them? And if you think so highly of them, why not let them be your son or daughter? You can compare with others but i can't. What the hell is that? I never complained anything about my life and my family. I never asked for anything expensive like Guess cloths, good stuff and so on. All i always asks for is a happy family and that's it! And now, even asking a 20 bucks is too much from you.

If im not wrong, most of the schoolmates i know is not working and what? Should i compare them? Since you compared me to Nic and Guen, why not i compare me and my friends? Some of them are a much more big spender than me and more out-going than me but did i say anything? I just kept my mouth shut. When you declared a cold war on me yesterday, did i say anything? I even tried to talk to you! You declared a cold war on me because of such a small matter, or rather, barely one minute of argument. I am really dissapointed mother...and i've given up my chance which might be the ONE AND ONLY chance to have vacation with my friends because of dad. I am really sad you know? But did i ever show that to anyone? NO! NEVER! I would never said this out if it's not that i could not contain my anger anymore. Dad's salary is like...3 - 3.5k per month and yet, he cant even support himself. We've tried to calculate what he'd spent on and there's always some extra money that could be kept in the bank but, where did that money go to?

Chris and me know where it goes to. And now, even you yourself know where it goes to and yet, you still support him... It's not wrong to support your husband but the fact that dont you think he's too over??? And the lie about lending 10k from other...you suck it up and believe it totally. It's fake mother....dad is not a stupid guy who will lend 10k up and let that idiotic bitch control him! But, me, Chris and other relatives decided to kept quiet for your sake... I could write longer if i want to but, i think i should stop here. I really sad, frustrated and dissapointed today... But who am i suppose to complain this to? I dont think i have anyone. Chris has Mei Yin while Cat has Jasmine and Tat Ko. ME? NO ONE AT ALL!!! Except to vent my frustration here to myself...