Saturday, January 31, 2009

Home Alone!

This is the first time ever in my life that i am totally HOME AlONE! Yeah! I am HOME ALONE!!! The whole bunch of my family went to Ipoh today to visit aunt and after that, they're heading towards Cameron Highland. I didnt go because i've assignments that i need to finish... The due date was by end of this WEEK!!! Anyway, lol! I cant really sleep...maybe it's due to the fact that it's the first time ever i stayed home alone! I slept at 0300++ and lol! I woke up at 0530++ after they went out of course. Then, i started playing Rappelz till bout 12pm lidat. Browse through Hunny Henry's stuff as in, youtube videos and had a good laugh about it!

Hehe...besides that, i did what most teenagers did... FREEDOM!!! As in for today. Sadly, im not really an outgoing person and sob...all my friends are either busy or something like that. That includes Edward!!! So, sigh....stayed home whole day. Slept through the afternoon and am gonna start doing assignment d... I wanna go buy @cash but lol! lazy wanna drive XD

Mom called and said that they're having dinner now and will be back after that... That'll takes bout 2 hours++ I guess... Anyway, at least i managed to tell myself that i am quite independent :P HOORAY!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

HCNY!

Wow...was busy everyday until i cannot blog. It's chinese new year!!! Anyway, sweatz...guess what? I actually slept until it was CNY. I was damn tired and i dozed off...was waken up by the sound of fire crackers and all these sorts of stuff. Yeah! So, happy chinese new year!!! Went to Kek Lok Si on the first day and sweatz...regretted going there on the afternoon. It was HOT LIKE HELL!!! Nothing much on the first day but went to Kenneth's hse on the 2nd day and stayed till yesterday. Kinda fun...have lots of activities there but usually, im just sitting in front of laptop doing my stuff XD Or rather, playing games XD Oh YEAH! BABY GIRL WAS THERE!!! So cute of her... ^.^ Played around with her and stuff like that...

I had a good time singing Bukan Cinta Biasa too... XD The only song i sang for the karaoke session. Cause XD they sing chinese songs most of the time and even though i am a chinese, i dont really know how to sing those songs... Wow...so little things i can blog a bout now i guess... Anyway, i had an argument with Honey and i guess it was my fault afterall... Ah! Lazy wanna elaborate bout what happened. Oh yeah! Kelvin rung up and sweatz he actually drove to my house to give me a surprise but sadly, =.=" i wasnt home. He was disappointed and went off with his other buddies to Gurney instead. Sorry Kelvin >.< Oh yeah! My assignments' due date is next week! Yet i feel so relax =.=" ugh...when only could i change my attitude i wonder...

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Happy B'day Cat!

Today is Cat's bday. Which makes her 22y.o this year. And guess what? Her b'day falls on the 30th of 12th Lunar Month! So, she's gonna get double ang paos for that while for Chris, it's 3 days later which is, 3rd of First Lunar Month and of course, another double ang pao! SO SAD!!! I never get double ang pao!! T_T Neway, lots of things happened between us and im both glad and sad.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Truths

I've just changed my blog from a public to a private blog. For one reason is because i could no longer keep my feelings. When i blogged one or two years ago, nobody knew my blog except Edward who doesnt make frequent visit. I guess things had changed now as many of my friends started to visit my blog. The truth about why i would like to 'privatize' my blog is because i would really like to express myself as much as possible.

Sadly, i couldnt tell the whole truth no matter what except to a few very very close people in my life. Guess what, it's been two days since i listened to the same song again and again. Of course i do listen to repeated songs everyday but, i've never ever repeated a song in a single loop for hours. I am doing this right now while listening to Distanced Love. Okay, this particular entry is dedicated to my love, Honey Koh. It isnt her real name but i do not want her real name to be exposed and if you must know, Honey tnsi a laer ehs.

First of all, i would like to tell you that i will not give up so easily. I am a stubborn person and im sure i've told you bout my crush and what i actually did. This is just how i am... If you must know, i've been holding my tears back. Why can't i just cry like a baby? Easy... I would like to be strong in these kind of situation and crying wouldnt help much. I know you're very stressed and i've gone through your emails especially Hotmail and i do notice that you've gone through a lot! I used to have doubts on you until yesterday. The mails you got really authenticate the truth of what you're saying. I am sorry if i doubted you but like i said, i do try my best to trust you and honey, now i really trust you.

I know you've gone through a lot but, just don't give up no matter what okay? Did anybody said Love was an easy thing to start with? Nobody right? There are lots of obstacles that we need to overcome and i do know you'd love me very much. But to shoo me away cause your manager advised you to do so? Do you think i would accept such reason? No honey, it's not your own will but it's based on your manager's will that you shooed me away. I know you love me very much because who will cry so badly when i actually said those cruel things if they didn't love me? Im sure you wouldn't have cried if you're playing with my feelings.

I was soooo broken when i heard you sobbed and cried hun... But i've decided to stay strong. You see, i actually laughed and talked in such a patient voice, why? Because i understand, Honey and i am trying to be strong for you. It will be pointless if both sides actually cried and sobbed when it comes to troubles. More or less, i understand what you're going through and it's not pleasant. I've seen those lives of celebrities where they're being chased by paparazzi and so on and they never lived with happy ending. Couldn't we just try and hang on?

Slow things down right??? Yes i will try my best to slow everything down. But to ask me forget all these and start from a beginning, i do not think i could do so. What's done is done. I will remember that this fairy tale ever existed and even though this fairy tale might go disastrous, i will always remember the sweetness and the hardship i ever gone through till the fairy tale falls apart then, it'll be another history lesson for me. Im sure you know what i mean by that. It's not everyday that you would meet such a near perfect person in your life. Perfect,as in the sense that it matches the criteria of a person we wanted to be our life partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever.

I've found Edward as my best friend and i would like to find you, as my love. Even though Edward might be a bit annoying or sometime i couldnt take his attitude but you see, we still move on. There's no perfect relationship in the world, Honey. Edward might be reading this right now but i know he'll understand what i meant. I even publicly tried to criticize him and such but in the end, we're still best friend right? Oh honey, whatever trouble you're having, just talk to me alright??? I've granted you permission to post anything here. I've even added you as a full administrator. Just, express yourself here alright? I will look through every single thing you've written and i am really really really not ready to give up on this relationship yet not until i've tried everything and it fails all the time. I know you do believe in god(s) right? So why not just pretend or think of it as an obstacle made by the god(s)? If it's destinied to be so, then so be it.

You might say that i will find some better and much more perfect person than you and i believe that it might be the truth but, what i've now is YOU and nobody else. I know how heart broken you are when you said that and to tell you the truth, instead of being sad, i am actually quite delighted that you cried. I am delighted not because i find it funny but it's because i realize how much you loved me.

Last but not least, i do realize something actually happened yesterday because you hung up all of sudden and i received calls from your house. Out of paranoia, i assume that it is your mother who called based on these following assumption.

  1. You hung up all of the sudden
  2. I tried to message you but you didnt reply
  3. If you want to call me, you would've used your HP.
  4. I know your HP still has credits cause you told me how much credits you still have
  5. A call from home is very unusual for you
  6. I spammed you messages but you couldn't reply
  7. There was another call from your house when i actually send you messages HI-ed to your mother.


I hope i am correct about this and this is as much as i could do i guess. I hope that you always delete those messages i previously sent and chatted with you. This is one of the only way you could rescue yourself from the current situation i assume you're in.

Another way is to fabricate a true-false story as in the story contains half truth and lies. You'll need help from your brother, Willie and also your close girl friends. I will make further explanation if you wanted to go on with my plan.

Last but not least, i've told you i will not give up easily and i will try my best to help you go through all the problems you're having alright? I've got to go now...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Distance

As i am writing, i am listening to a very very sad song or rather, a real tragic love song. I've just ventured into the real world of music and even though it is very romantic from time to time by the amount of ways one can use to actually obtain the heart of somebody...but it's kinda sad actually. How do i put it... Sigh... A friend of mine told me that this song was written for her. I couldn't share it to anybody because the song was never published and might be copyrighted. I would get her into trouble if i were to actually share the song, so no.

The song is about the distance of love which makes everything falls apart. To cut the story short, they were in love and of course both of them are in musical industry. That's how they met. The love were growing really fine until one day, something bad happened. This is really private and wouldn't risk exposing anything here cause my blog is quite public. Nevertheless, what i can say is that my friend's best friend actually betrayed her due to jealousy cause she can get all the things she ever dreamed of while what her ex-best friend can do was actually watch. Envy kills... learn that well. Her best friend's was betrayal was the main thing which breaks their relationship. A sad truth between her, her sponsor or such and her bf was spilled and he just can't take it.

This is when their relationship started to fall apart. After the hard truth was hit him, he was totally shattered and started to drink heavily and smoke. This is when he wrote this song, "Ai Qing Xiang Ju Li" (thx to lil bro, Raymond, for correcting my mistake XD), from how i'd translate it, it means, "Distanced Love". A few months later, her bf or now, her ex-bf move to Australia with his parents. Despite all that, her bf still loved her and even though her bf has a new gf, he just couldnt forget my friend but sadly, it's the truth. This boy, was 15 at the time and the song actually said how my friend taught her love and these sort of things. Sadly, it is named "Distanced Love" because their relationship is a long distance relationship or such.

Sigh...i wish i could've tell more but i couldnt. I really feel pitiful towards him. Sigh... What can i say? I am 19 now and even though i am just 19 recently, i actually learned that the world is so cruel in many ways. Nevertheless, i will not stop me from doing what i wanted to do... I will live with cruelty and so be it. If im in his shoe, i wouldn't blame distance for the failure of the relationship. Nobody are to be blame cause i do realize that love is a powerful thing. I will NEVER give up until the last moment where nothing can be done anymore...


Another random picture. My cou's house. Rich people
with rich facilities... LCD SCREEN MONITOR!!!!
If im not mistaken it's 32 inch or something like that...
KENNETH BE PROUD I AM ACTUALLY JEALOUS XD

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Last Year To Be Teen

Aww....i feel so sad. This date next year, i am no longer a teen. My wish to do teen stuff had been achieved. Faster than i expected. I am very very very contented. So, haha, what can i ask for more? Thank goodness, NO CAKE FOR MY BDAY! Haha...family know i hate cakes so, no cakes but just went out for a dinner. Went to Butterworth to find baby girl. SHE IS SOOOOO NOTTY! Not really naughty but just, stubborn. Very, very stubborn. Oh yeah, i could say that although this is the last year of my teen life, it's the best b'day i ever had.

For one reason, i no longer celebrate with family. I celebrated with someone else :D Other than friends of course. Glad about that. Had a good chat and laugh about it. Haha!!! Nice b'day i guess... In the same time, i've received a heart breaking news. Someone i knew used to be a victim of gang rape and... omg... i couldnt really mention it. I am so speechless every time i thought about it. It's like i am in total blank and disbelieve i guess.

Nevertheless, i've decided to trust that person's story even though it might be fake. For one reason, i need to start trusting others instead of doubting all the time. That someone, is Honey (not real name and definitely not Chia Haw's Honey). Somehow she was conned and her drink was drugged. OMG...i really cant talk about it anymore. I couldnt find any part of my heart to talk about it. But i do really wanted everybody to know what those IMBECILE DID! And nevertheless, THOSE IMBECILES ARE FILTHY RICH FREAKS! They're either the bosses of big companies or something like that. YET, they did this kind of thing. It might be fake but i've decided to believe what Honey said... Ugh...i feel so sorry and useless for not being able to help.
Honey never told anybody about this and i hope that she understand why am i writing what she told me here. I just couldn't take it...the news is sort of like....BIG for me...Guess i should stop here.

Anyway, my birthday ended with an argument with mother. She've known that i am the person who always did house chores. Yet, she blamed me for not boiling water the whole day i am home. I got fired up and shouted back at her. I feel so unfair... Sisters NEVER or SELDOM did any house chores and usually, i am the one who boils water, mop floor, vacuum floor, help to babysit and stuff like that. That's why again and again, i said they're too dependent on me. As a result, i get blamed for not doing house chores. It's like....it's something that i should do everyday instead of my sisters. I really hate it. I do not ask for a thank you or pay or something like that. All i wanted is appreciation and understanding. Is that too hard??? I never asked mother to buy me anything or even forced her to say THANK YOU or praise me in front of others. ALL I EVER ASKED WAS APPRECIATION AND UNDERSTANDING. IS THAT TOO HARD???

When father got angry, i got blamed for nothing. When you got angry, yet again i got blamed for the wrong doings WHICH I DIDNT DO! I've decided not to talk to father for a few days and at least he knew he was wrong and of course i forgave him... But,i am wondering, how long could i keep this up before i really explode. It's true i face laptop most of my time at home but, THAT'S MY PASSION!

Whatever it is, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRONOS RENZOKUZEN CHAOS!!! A very happy birthday to myself :P

Oh yeah! I am waiting a present from Henry :D WAITING WAITING WAITING~~~ can't wait for it... :P

Saturday, January 10, 2009

2 Days of B'day

Wow! What a coincidence... What's the coincidence about? Lol! I've two consecutive birthdays one after the other. Why is it two? Lol! I am a chinese so, usually we've two birthdays. One is according to the chinese calender while the other is according to the standard one. My b'date for chinese one is 15th of 12th Lunar Month while standard one is 11th of January.

15th of 12th Lunar Month falls on 10th of January so, HAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! Happy birthday to me for TWO DAYS! This weekend is MINE!!! MWAHAHAHA! Though, not many actually know my chinese b'date. Even me myself lol! Till mother told me a few days ago that i've two consecutive b'days then only i realize lol! So, happy birthday to me :D

Anyway, here's something i wrote specially for somebody~~~

Light and Hope

Light shone brightly upon us,
On the day where clouds gathered,
Vivaciously we strive past,
En route to places that mattered,


Fantasize about our future,
Only one route that will we venture,
Relieving our worries later,


En Garde!
for,
(the) Venomous pain that blasts past,
but,
Echoes of ephony from a bard,
Rescued me from my past.
(not a good verse =.=")


Through all the treachery,
A beam of light shone past,
Rescuing me from delusions,
Giving me a new vision,
but,
Will this vision ever last?



Complicated? I hope not... The result of the poem isnt really what i had in my mind though.

Wonder what's for me tomorrow... Anyway, i woke up early today despite the fact that it's a Saturday. 0630 to be exact lol! to fetch B.I.L from Intel, his workplace. Hey! It seems that my driving skill isnt as bad as i thought. But then again, i do drive recklessly. Inexperienced but i actually drove up to 100KMH lol! Cause it's early in the morning and there isnt many cars around :P Kinda fun though, but lol! thank goodness i didnt lose control.






A trip to Kedah's Park. Erm what's the name of the park?
Oh! Very funny one. It's called Lai Fa Gong Yuan.
It's pronouced as "Lai Fuck Gong Yuan". Lol! Literally, it means,
"Come Fuck Garden". Or rather, that's what dad said...


I TOOK THIS! Stupid Dad....


AND THIS! Hoong said it's imposible but i showed him
that i can do it :P

Friday, January 09, 2009

Hectic

Phew...for the next few weeks, my life is gonna go terribly worse or so i think. I've got 2 assignments and 1 practical that needed to be passed up before CNY. One database normalization. Not really bad for this but well, sort of lazy to do Lew's works. Then, i've Data Structure and Algorithm's assignment. Which is to create a simple card game. I've decided to choose Blackjack as my project which requires some challenge as my AI need to be quite strong in order to make a perfect one.

Sadly, so far i've only learn C++ and im quite in intermediate in that. Not till the stage of true OOP (object oriented programming) stage but well, not at novice stage either. One bad thing bout C++ is that there'll be no nice graphics and stuff like that. It's actually MS-Dos based so, kinda lame but in the same time, C++ are quite useful... Or so i think. I loooooooooooove Mr.Kevin's lessons and he's one of the Gods me myself declared throughout my student life so far. One of the other whom i declared as god is of course, David Ch'ng. Really respectable teachers. Sadly, i cant remember the other teacher who taught me from secondary 1 till secondary 3. Puan something...sigh....damn how could i forgot her name!!! Got school mag bt lazy wanna check..=.="

Ok then there's Web Programming's practical. Completed question 2 with minor bugs that has yet to be 'caught'. Ah! Damit! Got to go now, noisy Cat! Treating me like butler or smething. Ask me come down, then say don't need then later change her mind again. Damn it!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

I DROVE 'MY' CAR WITHOUT ANY ACCIDENT!

I was sort of a bit traumatized after i banged a pole, hit a car and hit another car. I thought that my driving skills sucks to the bottom so fine, i've managed to convince mother that i wouldn't want a bike license anymore. Sides, im kinda lazy to go to the driving school XD Anyway, Cat had just bought a car. She planned to buy Myvi or Viva in the first place and the reason she's gonna buy a car is cause she wanted me to play crushable-bumper car game. So, fine, it's her money and i was sponsored to play that crushable-bumper car. Instead, Chris and mother made her change her mind into buying a second hand Kancil instead. Fine with me... She said well, with my current driving skills, it ain't really cheap for me to play crushable-bumper car by using Myvi or Viva.

Kancil on the other hand, is cheap and well, if i were to actually bumped the car, the repair cost isnt that high and b'sides, her heart won't really crush that much since it's old mini Kancil right??? The car plate was like.... 'PEW' so...im gonna go with that the car is like...very old. Very, very old that is... Cannot resist to comment on the car. For starters, the passenger door couldn't be opened from inside. One of the side that is. Secondly, the radio is in the cassette form instead of CD form. Sigh....dissapointed. Third, the break is like...not very good. I need to press on it in order for the car to stop.

Oh! Whatever it is, it's still a car right? Not bad for starters i guess. At least, haha! Smaller but better than Edward's i guess... Opps...he might be reading XD Doubt so. Anyway, HEY! I DIDNT CRUSH ANYTHING DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT'S TRAFFIC JAM!!! WOOHOO!!! Owh! On the other hand, my heart is melting...~~~

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

New Year??? o.O

Phew....why did i made an entry bout New Year after it had passed like....5 days ago? Let's see... i've exam on 27th of December then, followed by THE DAY AFTER NEW YEAR!!! Which is 2nd of January. Sigh.... What a torture, then, 5th of January, which is yesterday. This is the worse new year i ever had. Why??? This is the first time ever I DIDN'T GO CELEBRATE FOR NEW YEAR!!! Actually, a few of my friends and Edward invited me to celebrate or go somewhere but i rejected. Why? BECAUSE MY SISTERS TOLD ME WE'RE GOING OUT AT 0300HRs++ but sadly, they broke their promise =.=" Therefore, i ended up being ditched on the first day of the year itself and actually celebrated New Year with friends in Rappelzsea =.=".

Okay let's forget bout those. Anyway, try to imagine, no celebration for you on New Year itself... Sigh...what a torture. Part of De Insane Team actually studied at McD on 1st of January. A bad place? Not really....crowded? Definitely! Then yesterday, the last day of exam. Not bad after all... The last paper was "Internet/Web Programming". Kinda cool actually but sort of very novice. Why? The questions was HTML based...and so, nothing much. Sadly, end of the term exam gonna include PHP and JAVA or something like that. Either it's JAVA or CSS. I would like to learn all though. Professor Goh a.k.a Keat Liang is having C# session with us starting today. Tomorrow, 4 hours of C# by Professor Goh.

I am so pissed off with father today. I was blamed for shouting at him through the phone when what i did was talked politely. The first thing he came back from work was scold me straight in the face and saying that one of these day he will punch me or whack me for not showing him respect and such. Tell me bout it, when he shouted or screamed at me, what i did was kept quiet and just walk away and pretended nothing had happened. Pah! He's just like a smoker asking his son not to smoke. Idiotic and pathetic! Oh what the hell...like i'd care if you dare to punch or whack me. I am different now FYI. I hate being blamed for the things i didnt do and so of course, i shouted back and him and have some quarreling. Thankfully, mother was around when father called and talked to me on the phone. I've evidence while what he had was his self-created thoughts of me shouting at him. He didn't even said sorry or at least lower his voice for blaming me but instead he shouted and said 'YEAH YEAH YEAH! I AM WRONG NOW...YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT' in a cynical manner. Of course i got much more fired up and shouted even harder. As usual, mother will always ask me to talk no more but oh please, one of the worst thing i hated was being blamed. How could i shut up?

He tried to talk to me just now but sadly, my anger is still with me and i've decided that i wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days. If he scold me on why i ignored him, i'll simply say "Well, you said i shouted at you. So, it's best i keep quiet and therefore, i wouldnt be blamed for shouting and disrespecting you." Simple as that...

Anyway, what's this?


Darren boy actually scribbled on the wall. Why did he do so? LOL! He's imitating his teacher in the kindergarten. It's his second day at school and that's what he learned =.=" Drawing on the wall.... Actually, his imaginary mind told him that a pencil is a marker pen and the wall as a whiteboard =.=" That's why there's number 1, 2 and 3. I laughed my ass out when i saw what he did instead of punishing him. Of course mother scolded him and punished him a bit but mother understand that he's just imitating his teacher XD Why? Cause he told mother that his teacher taught him numbers today. LMAO!



I told him to pull his ear and took this pic of him :D





Why've i decided to change my MSN email? Look at the number of people online...



Sometimes, during 'peak' season as in weekends and holidays, the number of people might increase till 50++ which, is really bothersome. I don't have much friends i dare to say but then, sigh...there's too many rubbish people that added me from nowhere and it's irritating... I need to use the 'search' function to find my friends instead of looking through the 'Online' list.

Lastly, im wondering, am i being toyed by the upper forces or such. Why? It's been like...many many years already and it's still going on. Here i so called rejected a love life, there another appeared... Many times in like...2 years or such and it keeps going on. Said no to Seline and viola! Here comes a new one... Sigh....when will this ends? Oh yeah, Joo Annie is sad...wonder what can i do to cheer her up. She flunked her exam cause of problems like mine but the opposite of mine. Sigh...what can i do, what can i do???? Would like to comfort her but im not really close to her... Fraid she might resent me and stuff like that. Aint don't want those to happen... Especially when it comes to her...