I really like her. She changed from her Gothic image to a pretty innocent-like image. Her first debut was Let Go which was released in 2002 and was sold 13 Millions worldwide. With her song like Complicated, Sk8er Boi, Losing Grip and I'm With You, she managed be made known worldwide. Which, at that point, i dont really like her, yet. I dont like her Gothic image which is kind of gruesome to me but then as the time goes by, i found that she's more pretty than ever and sooner or later, i was hooked by her songs. Not that much though.
In 2006, she released her third album, The Best Damn Thing. The single, 'Girlfriend' managed to climb their way to the the top of Billboard Hot 100. I was shocked and hooked of course. Anyway, you wont see me buying her album neither downloading the her songs that i'd not know about. I like her much more than her songs and she was actually invited/hired to Nickelodeon's 'All That' and also Japan's Music Station. I was amazed and of course mesmerized. She tried her hand on some movie career too. She made her film debut in the animation, Over The Hedge. She was on the front cover of the magazine Seventeen once with her new elegant pretty look of course. It is lucky that my sis read those magazine and i get a glimpse to know that she eats vegis only. In other word, she's a vegetarian.
A picture of Avril Lavigne in Goth.
The new Avril Lavigne which is much much better than the old one.
At long last, you gave me an answer. Maybe it will be hard for me to accept it now, maybe not. But one thing for sure. I never regretted what i did and what said. I never regretted for sending those letters emails to you. I just dont understand why. Now at least i know that how heartbreaks feel. Now i know why my sis cried when she lost BIL. Now i know but then, i will not cry for i do not regret. Heartbreak yes, sad yes but cry, never. I never knew that heartbreak will makes me oblivious to the surrounding. I really never knew. I nearly killed myself or at least injured myself when walking home. I never knew. I do not know that time passes so fast when your head is searching, thinking and malfunctioning. I really never knew. But now i know. Now i know what it can do. Now i know that no doubt that my love towards you is true.
I told my friends that wanted to forget about you. Forget about the story i made. Forget about the story we made. I tried but i failed. Yes, sometimes i may be a bit scary. Scary as in knowing a lot of things about you although you never told. But one thing, i never ever STALKED you. I never ever followed you. NEVER... Few days ago, i've decided to let it go for i knew my love towards you will never blossoms but i never imagined these words to be said out of your mouth. Again and again i forgive and again and again ignored. Ignoring what you said and forgive for what you did. I know you do avoid me and ignored me but i pretend i do not know. I knew you peep at me sometimes. I do not know why but then now i kinda know. You're afraid that i am looking at you. If i do then so what? There's not a big deal about it. D-Phobia always peeped/looked at me but i prefer to ignore and never looked back. This is the third time you pierced my heart and it's more than enough. Whenever i brought camera, you asked for a look at it. I knew why but again, i pretended i did not. You're afraid i take your pictures but then i did not. It's good to take precaution but then, those words of yours pierced right through my heart.
I never asked Matt to take any pictures of yours. I just lend them and take whatever they want. Am i that desperate? Yes, I got a few pictures of you and FYI, i can just take those pictures from you if i want to but i did not. I do have the intention but i never do it. Again and again my heart was shattered, and again and again i picked up those shattered pieces and plastered it. But then, i think i will need a long long time to fix this. I may be alright tomorrow but every time i see your face, i will remember your words. Every time i listen to passionate songs, i will again remember your words and you. Maybe it's time for me to stop and rest. Waiting, waiting for someone or something to wake me up again. Perhaps you, perhaps someone else.
At least one thing that never fails me. TIME. Chronos/ Cronos Chaos. My best friend that will always accompany me till the day i die. At least time gives me the answer i wanted, although it is in a way that i never imagined.
Aika (Elegy)
As I clung to you, you dug your nails into my back And carved me, taking me deeper into a dream One of the fluttering, scattering flower petals Wavers, wanders, it’s lost its place
Dirty me with your hands, with your hands Break me again and again, again and again We put our two sweaty lonelinesses together And fall into a bright, invisible darkness If my body’s going to die one day Then I want it to rot from your love
I’d feel better if this sickness had a name I’m afraid to stick out, I move into the crowd somehow One of the fluttering, scattering flower petals Wavers, wanders, I’ve found you
I’ll dirty you with my hands, with my hands And drown in you again and again, again and again Our two backs together gives me anxiety and happiness That comes in waves, penetrating me If this love’s going to die someday Tear me apart now with your love
Dirty me with your hands, with your hands Break me again and again, again and again We put our two sweaty lonelinesses together And fall into a bright, invisible darkness If my body’s going to die one day Then I want it to rot from your love With your hands, dirty me, dirty me
A few days ago, me and my classmates were having this ghost hunting session at school. Ter Min, Adrian and Moy believed that the small little room is/was haunted. Moy knew my previous history where i see all these stuffs so they summoned called me to follow them to that place to see if there were anything paranormal. Well, the whole class kinda know about it and a whole bunch of them came along including that hideous Reuben. I went there before which was like 2 years ago. They used to keep books there, old books. And now they have cleared it up. So, i told them there was nothing there because i've been there and nothing weird is in there. But they insisted and so, i too followed.
We went there including me. I wasnt afraid at all at the beginning but as i went further in, my stomach started to push the air in it through my throat. I have this nausea feeling whenever something 'paranormal' is happening is nearby. Skeptically, i calmed myself by telling myself that it's just some filthy ancient air that causes this. But then, as i went further in, my throat got thicker and thicker, filled by airs and i knew that it wasnt the filthy air. There's something wrong. I quickly went out of the room without panicking my mates. I told Sim about it and he just kept quiet while others asked me what i saw. Of course i told them nothing. Today, me and Moy went there again and this time, i took some pictures of it. We were afraid to go in cause beside the room, there is a smaller room which is very scary. Dark without lights and very dirty. Just use your own imaginary to imagine it. The best scene i can make up is the scene from Silent Hill or Resident Evil.
Since we do not dare to go in despite i want to, i asked Daniel to accompany me to go in. He say he do not believe in this stuffs and he just say they are making it up. I told him what i felt and of course, he kept quiet but i knew what he's thinking. He will surely think that i am making up this story too but then, who cares? It's really common for me not to be believed that there are something we cant explain exists. Anyway, we went in and took some pictures :D Glad there's nothing scary in the picture except one.
The small little room without lights. But captures the picture with flash.
Me and Moy dont dare to go in. It seems like someone closed the door. Before that, it's open. On the right is the small little room.
The small little room.
What's in this picture on the upper corner. On top of the speaker? There's a dark shadow thingie...
Friday was a bad day. Went to school, sick and not happy at all. Although chatting with Kel and stupid Dan is kinda nice. Dan got scolded by me cause he poured water on me while im resting/sleeping. Went home, eat and bath then on to the computer table. To play game? Nope...to finish up my job. 'Photoshopping' for Mei Yin's friend for a total of 5 bucks. Well, kinda easy to earn that RM 5 since all i need to do is make a design for her friend's 'folio'. Here's the stupid design.
It is suppose to be nicer and better but then, my bad, the name of the company Stella was accidentally changed to Stecca due to that person's bad handwriting. And the worst of all, i saved it in JPEG format instead of PSD, which i need to redo the whole thing again. Actually all i need to do is patch the name Stecca and replace it with Stella but then, she wants a background copy of it PLUS the words PLUS another one with only her name on it. As a result, i have to redo using this maniac keyboard which shut the computer down by itself due to haywire inside the keyboard. RM5 seems to be not enough for all that hard work so, i decided to ask for another RM5. Why? Because it's custom made!!! You cant/wont find any of it in any shop. The one that's available in shops also cost RM1 discluding the words. So, custom made + fussy requests + energy (me and electricity) suppose to be more than RM 5 lol...but since she's my first customer, maybe i will leave it be. Furthermore, i give my design only 5 out of 10 because i found frauds in my own work. Which, i'm too lazy to 'fix'.
I took my nap only at 1630++ which i supposed to be snoozing in my bed 1 hour before. Woke up at 1830++ with stupid Cat booming the music from her room with the stupid Hi-Fi Chris bought. Receive a call from Chris indicating that she will be back home at about 0200 from KL and i have to be the one to wake up and wait for her. I'm suppose to wait and call my mom to fetch her from the bus station but then Cat is out with Jasmine to watch Surf Up and by the time they are done, it will be like 0100++ so, they offered to fetch Chris. It ended up with a call from me to Chris indicating that there's a bus delay and they will be home only at about 0400 or so. So, again i have to be a stupid boy to wait for her till 0400. Im drowsy enough to notice the whole trip accompany mom to fetch Chris. It seems to be a quick drive to me. I dropped my whole body at the sofa once i arrive home. But then, i ended up sleeping at 0500++ due to some disturbance from mom, Chris and Mei Yin(she's not a family member. Just a friend who sleepover during weekends for fun).
As I clung to you, you dug your nails into my back And carved me, taking me deeper into a dream
One of the fluttering, scattering flower petals Wavers, wanders, it’s lost its place
Dirty me with your hands, with your hands Break me again and again, again and again We put our two sweaty lonelinesses together And fall into a bright, invisible darkness, If my body’s going to die one day, Then I want it to rot from your love
I’d feel better if this sickness had a name I’m afraid to stick out, I move into the crowd somehow One of the fluttering, scattering flower petals Wavers, wanders, I’ve found you
I’ll dirty you with my hands, with my hands And drown in you again and again, again and again Our two backs together gives me anxiety and happiness That comes in waves, penetrating me If this love’s going to die someday Tear me apart now with your love
Dirty me with your hands, with your hands Break me again and again, again and again We put our two sweaty lonelinesses together And fall into a bright, invisible darkness If my body’s going to die one day Then I want it to rot from your love With your hands, dirty me, dirty me
My mom actually kept my keyboard and how did i actually manage to type? Well, thx to the 'on screen keyboard'. But i wont be typing on this blog for a long long time d i think. Neway, i saw the smaller 'you' on Gurney the other day. I was eatng @ Chicken Rice Shop and 'you' were sitting on the table next to me. Lol... it makes my imagination goes wild i tell ya. I was happy enough but thn, the real you will be much much more better. Like infinity of times better :D Lol...why am i 'writing' this? As if you know my blog lol. Lazy wanna continue d. These clicking is making me go crazy...
Well, at least this year i have another person to share my feelings with. That's Kelvin. Recently just added to my imaginary buddy list. Not really a buddy though. I have kind of a funny ridiculous history with him but that's not a matter. I hate a few of my classmates very much. And yes, it's hate and not dislike, H A T E. I dare to say that one of them is Aric whom disgraces the name that's synonym to it. In that case it's Eric. He always thought he's the clever type of guy who knows every single thing in this world. Likes to act clever but then, today, i saw him failed. Fail in the sense that he doesnt know how to do Add Math's Permutation and Combination chap. He doesnt know how to do the questions on that chapter and starting to ask his friends about it which he hesitated to ask Vijaya.
Another one of them is Reuben. Same gang with that Aric. Likes to back-stab and criticize others. Always thought he's the Mr. Perfect and stuffs. He used to sit beside me but something happened (i dont know what) and then he changed his place. From time to time, he will criticize me but its best if i just ignore. He's such a two face that he even dare to be so friendly with Kelvin while when Kelvin is not around, backstabbing starts to happen. I really pity Kelvin and i told him that but then what he says really amazed me. He just like totally ignored what i said and told me that he wants to have good friends but then what the outcome was that he joined the negative side. It's his problem anyway. Dont wanna be poking around too much.
Wow, it's the 2nd week of holiday already and for heaven sake, i am free to do whatever i want right now. What did i do??? Well, some things conflicts to handle settle, being a good boy and help my mom do house chores and babysitting my nephew and cousin (which is kinda fun) and a bit of leisure time for me, myself :D Actually, i wanna post about my holiday at Genting but then, i think i will leave that out since i am kinda lazy :p sweatz... Most of you paranormal non-believers will say i am crazy about what i am about to say but i dont give a damn. It's myself and as long as i know i am sane, it's good enough.
It seems that my whatever abilities is coming back. Well, i like never came across it like for more that a year already and all of the sudden, i am having those déjà vu, seeing all these 'beings' and some well, premonitions. I dont know why but it seems that it just come to me. I am not really freaking out as i have déjà vu like almost every week or sometimes even more that once a day and premonitions too. I started to get back the feeling on the presence of those so called ghost and stuffs. I dont know why this happen to me but it just came to me like that. I dont even know how to control it. Since i am gifted or cursed with these kind of abilities why not train myself on how to use it or whatever? I talked to my mom about that but she never encourage me on anything. Well, she always say the same old thing like, 'dont get yourself into all these things you might get into troubles'. I know that she do this because she wants me to be okay and all sort but then, i really want to use it for the best. I've found some way to like, urm... 'upgrade' my abilities but my mom just doesnt allow me to do it.
The first time those i can see all those ghostly beings was when i am 8 years old. Back in 1998. That is also when i get those déjà vu. Premonitions comes much much later like when i was in form 1, 2003. Though, i am still afraid of ghost although i kinda know how they looked like. I know many of you refuse/dont believe in those paranormal stuffs but then, because you never experienced it before. Many say i am gifted but i will say that i am neither gifted nor cursed. Though sometimes i feel like being cursed. Back to my story, when the first time i saw those 'beings' i told my family and they refused to believe me and since then, i just thought i am hallucinating until form 1. Scout camping. I still remember. I saw a tall tall guy urm...i dont know how to describe the height stand right in the middle of the main door in my school library. After that, i told my parents again since everyone saw what happened to me. Then, my mom bring me to those urm... 'tang kee' or rather the taoist people who can conjure the 'gods' to use their body. I dont really believe in them cause they can either be real or fake but then, i still refuse to believe that they can really conjure a god. From then on, my family members believed me and for some reason, my ability grows stronger.
Well, what happened last year? A girl in our school get possessed and i was somehow involved in it. Something attracted me to help her or some sort. Many people were there. Teachers and students. It was in form six block well which of course happened to a form sixer. After i watch those things, i wanna head back to my class but then, i started to feel like vomiting. Well, at first i dont know why but as i walk further away from the girl, my throat getting tighter and tighter and i feel like vomiting as ever. For some reason, i knew what must be done. I head back to the girl and introduced to her who i am and what i can do and how i can help her. I knew how to do these all by myself. I dont know why. I asked for their permission to go to their house since the 'ghosts' that possessed the girl was from their house. I checked the house and asked them a few questions and i already know what i should do. I dont know where do i get the knowledge from and how the hell i know so much about this ghost stuffs but it just came to my mind.
I even know where those 'beings' is and where they are hiding. I happened to glance at one of their photo album and those pictures are some what different. There is an unknown light coming from those pictures and i asked them what camera they use. And instantly they tell me they used a camera which they found from a temple. Aha! What does a camera signifies? Well, most of you dont know i think. Sometimes, camera are used to capture those ghosts into it. How? I dont have a single idea. I just know. Like now, what i am telling. Maybe most of you will say it's all just craps but never mind. I know and i am satisfied. That's all.
Then, i solved their problem and stuffs. But when my mom knew about it. She was kinda not very happy about what i did. She asked me not to involve much in it and this and that. I dont know what to say anymore. Just hope that one day i can really use those abilities to the fullest.
A picture of Avril Lavigne in Goth.
The new Avril Lavigne which is much much better than the old one.
