Friday, July 27, 2007

I am confused. / You despise me.

Well, for once in my life, i am somehow different. Different in the way i feel. Usually, i do things according to my conscience but now it's somehow different. My conscience asked me to go for it but then, i take a step back and dare not to step forward. Though i know my love towards Circe will not blossom, i still go for it. Why? Because my conscience said so. But now, things have/had change. Now i treat you as a normal friend and the worst of all i dare not to go for others anymore although a few of them give me 'signs' that they like me. I guess it's because the incident i made. But, i do not blame at anyone, neither you. I blame on myself for my wrong doing. Although now i tell you that you're just my friend, my heart tells me otherwise. Why? I still look at you from time to time and for some reason, i do not know why you kept looking at me. This really confuse me but i've decided to leave it be. I've decided not to be pushy and take things slowly. But then, it's as if i am cursed with the pain of love, there came another whom i consider does not in my life before.

For that, he who shall be named Ca (pronounced as Kae). Weird huh? But then it's a nice name, to me. Ca showed some so called 'signs' to me but every time i pretended that i am stupid or whatsoever. Well, every time i do so, Ca will show some childish behavior like angry at me a while or something like that. But one thing, Ca did something no one else (family not included) did for me. Of course i am glad but i prefer to stay pessimistic about it. What Ca did? Well, lets just say that i was being defended...somehow but i dont really know how. Frankly speaking, i do not know that i was 'defended' until Ca tell me about it. (blush) Anyway, i swore to myself that i will not be going on any relationship until i've confirmed that i really have no feeling towards Circe, which now, still lies strongly in my heart and mind.

Impertinent

I do not know what's wrong with you. And yes, maybe i am a bit crazy and i wrote stupid things on your desk. But then, does that makes me 'eligible' to be release tantrum upon? Well, yes maybe i am annoying but then, i just want my friends to share the happiness with me. Maybe to you it's nothing but then of course i am happy about my thing. Did i ever brag about you talking about Mariah Carey all day long? Did i even say that you're annoying because you kept asking me to listen to Mariah Carey songs? NO! I dare to say that. When we were at Prangin Mall once, you kept asking me to listen to MC's song and i was reluctant to do so but did i give you a sour face? NO i did not. I just listen to your song and said that you're just being unreasonable because you force me to listen to MC's song. Well, now Matt is not here the whole week. Who'd you talk and walk with other than people from your class? You will have me and Nazrin if you hadnt DESPISES me. I am okay with that but one thing. I do not have a thick face to talk to you like what D-phobia does. You dislikes despises me, and off you go. I will not go and say 'Hey...how are you'. Well, maybe i will do that in your dream.

When you need money, i will just lend it to you without complaining or being stingy. I dont even ask for the money you owe me if you do not give. Why? Because i appreciate our friendship and money is not that important compare to a <s>TRUE friend. I know that i am the one who's willingly to do it and i should not bring this out but then, it's the fact. The worst of all, i cant believe that you actually wrote 'M2K loves Daniel' on Physic's and Chemistry's lab table. I found myself very stupid for defending you when Reuben and others from my class called you and Matt GAY. I shouldnt have done that. It looks as if myself being toyed around. And FYI, the reason i am not doing any revenge, spreading any rumours or whatsoever because you do help me and i do appreciate that. You had became the 'Mid Man' between me and Circe and i know what i did last year out of rage and anger and realized my stupidity. That's all i want to say and this time, i will not back down or run to you and say 'I am sorry for scribbling at your desk'. That's because, you yourself scribbles at your own desk and others too.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Keyboard and Mouse Kept.

Well, the title says it all. I will blog again when i have the chance... For now, i need to go and kinda busy too...