Sadly, i couldnt tell the whole truth no matter what except to a few very very close people in my life. Guess what, it's been two days since i listened to the same song again and again. Of course i do listen to repeated songs everyday but, i've never ever repeated a song in a single loop for hours. I am doing this right now while listening to Distanced Love. Okay, this particular entry is dedicated to my love, Honey Koh. It isnt her real name but i do not want her real name to be exposed and if you must know, Honey tnsi a laer ehs.
First of all, i would like to tell you that i will not give up so easily. I am a stubborn person and im sure i've told you bout my crush and what i actually did. This is just how i am... If you must know, i've been holding my tears back. Why can't i just cry like a baby? Easy... I would like to be strong in these kind of situation and crying wouldnt help much. I know you're very stressed and i've gone through your emails especially Hotmail and i do notice that you've gone through a lot! I used to have doubts on you until yesterday. The mails you got really authenticate the truth of what you're saying. I am sorry if i doubted you but like i said, i do try my best to trust you and honey, now i really trust you.
I know you've gone through a lot but, just don't give up no matter what okay? Did anybody said Love was an easy thing to start with? Nobody right? There are lots of obstacles that we need to overcome and i do know you'd love me very much. But to shoo me away cause your manager advised you to do so? Do you think i would accept such reason? No honey, it's not your own will but it's based on your manager's will that you shooed me away. I know you love me very much because who will cry so badly when i actually said those cruel things if they didn't love me? Im sure you wouldn't have cried if you're playing with my feelings.
I was soooo broken when i heard you sobbed and cried hun... But i've decided to stay strong. You see, i actually laughed and talked in such a patient voice, why? Because i understand, Honey and i am trying to be strong for you. It will be pointless if both sides actually cried and sobbed when it comes to troubles. More or less, i understand what you're going through and it's not pleasant. I've seen those lives of celebrities where they're being chased by paparazzi and so on and they never lived with happy ending. Couldn't we just try and hang on?
Slow things down right??? Yes i will try my best to slow everything down. But to ask me forget all these and start from a beginning, i do not think i could do so. What's done is done. I will remember that this fairy tale ever existed and even though this fairy tale might go disastrous, i will always remember the sweetness and the hardship i ever gone through till the fairy tale falls apart then, it'll be another history lesson for me. Im sure you know what i mean by that. It's not everyday that you would meet such a near perfect person in your life. Perfect,as in the sense that it matches the criteria of a person we wanted to be our life partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever.
I've found Edward as my best friend and i would like to find you, as my love. Even though Edward might be a bit annoying or sometime i couldnt take his attitude but you see, we still move on. There's no perfect relationship in the world, Honey. Edward might be reading this right now but i know he'll understand what i meant. I even publicly tried to criticize him and such but in the end, we're still best friend right? Oh honey, whatever trouble you're having, just talk to me alright??? I've granted you permission to post anything here. I've even added you as a full administrator. Just, express yourself here alright? I will look through every single thing you've written and i am really really really not ready to give up on this relationship yet not until i've tried everything and it fails all the time. I know you do believe in god(s) right? So why not just pretend or think of it as an obstacle made by the god(s)? If it's destinied to be so, then so be it.
You might say that i will find some better and much more perfect person than you and i believe that it might be the truth but, what i've now is YOU and nobody else. I know how heart broken you are when you said that and to tell you the truth, instead of being sad, i am actually quite delighted that you cried. I am delighted not because i find it funny but it's because i realize how much you loved me.
Last but not least, i do realize something actually happened yesterday because you hung up all of sudden and i received calls from your house. Out of paranoia, i assume that it is your mother who called based on these following assumption.
- You hung up all of the sudden
- I tried to message you but you didnt reply
- If you want to call me, you would've used your HP.
- I know your HP still has credits cause you told me how much credits you still have
- A call from home is very unusual for you
- I spammed you messages but you couldn't reply
- There was another call from your house when i actually send you messages HI-ed to your mother.
I hope i am correct about this and this is as much as i could do i guess. I hope that you always delete those messages i previously sent and chatted with you. This is one of the only way you could rescue yourself from the current situation i assume you're in.
Another way is to fabricate a true-false story as in the story contains half truth and lies. You'll need help from your brother, Willie and also your close girl friends. I will make further explanation if you wanted to go on with my plan.
Last but not least, i've told you i will not give up easily and i will try my best to help you go through all the problems you're having alright? I've got to go now...
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