Have You Ever Asked Yourself?

WARNING, the following post contains sensitive issue in certain countries and by reading the following post, YOU hereby agree on my term.

YOU are hereby agree that YOU will not report or take any legal/illegal action on the following post. And YOU hereby, all lawsuit or actions will be nulled automatically.

Have you ever asked yourself why you believe in God? Have you ever asked yourself why you chose this religion? Have you ever asked yourself why you believe in Angels and Demons, God And Devil? Have you ever asked yourself does spiritual realm exist? Have you ever asked yourself do people really get possessed by those ghost/spirits/devil/demon? Have you ever asked yourself if Virgin Mary really a virgin? Have you ever asked yourself how they know Jesus is really the son of God? Have you ever asked yourself who is God? Have you ever asked yourself if what Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. said is true? Have you ever asked yourself how'd they know what the Jesus, Nabi, whatever Tao and Buddhist gods said? Have you ever asked yourself who wrote the Holy Bible, Al-Quran, Vedas, Sutras etc? Have you???

These are those few questions i kept asking myself. I tried to ask others too but i failed to get the answer. And one thing, i will never get an answer from my family. Why? I am a Chinese and i will be scolded if i ever question Gods. Who are these deities? Are they just a spirit or god? Is there the existence of Celestial Realm and Nether Realm? I am confuse. I dont even know if i believe in God. I just dont know. From time to time, i will pray to those Tao gods. But i do have some faith in Lady Guan Yin. I do not know why but i just do. Sometimes, i silently challenged God if they exist. Frankly speaking, in the same time, i do feel scared if i actually offended them. Do you believe in the story of Adam and Eve just like that? What can you explain where the scientists actually created unicellular microorganism if i am not mistaken it's paramecium sp. out of chemicals? Are we created by chemicals too?

Who are Zeus, Poseidon and Hades? Who are the minor gods, Athena, Prometheus, Artemis, Ares, Hera, Eros, etc? Do they really exist? Why are these such stories like Heracles and Odysseus? What about the Hindu? It is believed to be one of the oldest religion? Where did that came from? I am kind of desperate in knowing answers to these questions. I always keep these to myself fearing that i will be criticized or being treated as an outcast. The reason i voice out here and right now is because i am on the net and i do not think that my friends will be reading any of my blog since i kept it as a secret from them.

How can i get these answer. Sometimes, i cant find ways to express myself. I feel like being played. Stuck between these two realms of good and evil which i do not even know if it even exist. I used to have faith in gods but as time goes by...so does the faith. My experience encountering these spirits/ghosts makes me rethink again. And the more i think, the worst i feel. I really do not know if we human should just believe in god just like that. And if so, why are there so many religion? We are human right? We are homo sapien and we are one and only one. But why do we have so many different kinds of gods and believes? Why do the so merciful and lovable god separate us? I know my post are filled with unanswered questions and in the same time there too may be some confusion within my words but well, i just hope that someday, someone will enlighten me with the truth and only truth.

F.A.I.T.H.

ARGH!!! LIZARD!!!

It's been a very very long while since our family had such a scare-funny situation. Yesterday or rather early in the morning today, our family had this lizard crisis. Well, i think i should be the one to be blamed for this lizard issue. It's a very rainy day yesterday and according to my mom, rain attracts insects and small little animals. I live at 20th floor on a condominium and well, i like the scenery in my parent's room that faces the mountains. So, i opened the floor length window and get myself to the balcony. And oh my gosh...a little lizard actually dropped onto my arm and sweatz...i slap it away and into my parent's room. I told my mom about it and she and my sister started to scold me for this stupid act. All of the sudden, the lizard came out of nowhere and sweatz...my mom and sis screamed like banshee and it was around 0100!!! My mom ran away from the lizard while my sister jumped into the bed. And thank heaven that i was outside trying to find something to catch the lizard.

Of course i am not the one who's going to catch it because i am afraid of little things like lizard, frog, spider and stuffs. Well, what to do? I woke my grandfather up and ask him to catch the lizard for us. My mom, sis and I were like a bunch of clowns laughing at each other for the stupid acts we did and in the same time, not helping my gramps at all. The lizard crawled into my mom's cupboard and my mom and sis ordered me to help my gramps cause i am the one who caused all these havocs. I help my gramps to 'spy' on the lizard and when we found it, my gramps use a stick and actually like dig it from the wall and accidentally throw it at me. I made a very loud screech and some sort of girl like for heaven sake. I ran as fast as possible and actually jumped onto my mom's bed. On the other hand, my mom and sis too run far far away from that place and my screech made them run away further. And then, another hit from my gramps and flush~~~ the lizard is out of my house!!!

Hooray!!! Three cheers for my gramps! After that, we were laughing like hell and all of us had a small stomach ache from all the laughs we had. It's been a looong loong time since we had this kind of fun. Now, i am wondering if my gramps is not here anymore, who's going to catch all these small little things? My dad isn’t that brave either. Maybe it's cause well, we're not exposed to all these kinds of insects and small animals...

It's Hard To Accept The Fact.

I am kinda sick today and it just sucks... I went online today and browse some profile and came across Circe's. Read those things people sent and OH MY GOD!!! Someone actually asked if Circe is with someone. Although i only have a so-called crush, i instantly broke down and my heart was shattered through the 1 000 000th floor of an apartment. It really breaks my heart. I know that all these while i am the one who's playing the game all by myself but this is one thing and another thing when you know that your crush are with someone else. Ugh...i don't know what to say. So far, i had accepted the fact that i'm not the perfect match but sigh...i just couldn't let it go.

Trust me, i did a lot of things to forget about Circe but...it's like something is playing with me. Whenever i nearly forget all about Circe, something will come and like block my way from doing that. Is that what they called 'destiny'? Or i am just thinking too much with all the pressure i am facing? I am going to Singapore for a one week stay on the week of Christmas. Should i just go without informing or should i inform Circe and hopefully we can meet somewhere? But i doubt Circe will be there cause it's Christmas and it means celebration... Well, whatever it is...i think i will just wish 'all the best to you, Circe.'

On the other hand, Jasmine too had gone to S'pore and this is one of the reason i am going...

Circe / Jasmine/ Edward.

By reading the following post, YOU are hereby agree that YOU will not report or take any action on the following post. And hereby, all lawsuit or actions will be nulled automatically. As a warning, the following post contains critics and again by reading it, YOU hereby agree on my term.

Frankly speaking, i do not want to end up like the Namewee. That's why i do this.

Lots of things had happened since my exam is over but i do not have time to post anything due to my BIG exam this November. Wish me luck :p, if there's any lolz. Well, i will make this short. And the short i mean is what happened during the long period when i am not posting.(sorry, i know it's bad English). First of all, well, about my love life.

It's seems to me that i still can't forget anything about Circe although i've forced myself to do so. Trust me, i even forced myself to like someone else. Which turns out that we are just good friends which i'm so glad we are and appreciate it very much. At first, i thought that well, at least i am into someone else and not Circe but, soon enough, i realize that i dont have any feeling towards this person. Well, i do treat this person as a family member but that's it. That's what my love towards this person and nothing more. But sometimes, I/we go overboard and i do something normally people wont/doesnt do lolz.

Second of all, my family friend is leaving us.

We (my sisters and my family friend, Jasmine) have decided to spend our one last week with her in a memorable way. Penang is a small place but we managed to do quite a lot of things. First, we had a great weekend by staying up all night which in the same time, i broke my own record for the hours of waking up. Previous record was about 27 Hours but this time, 48 Hours. But the bad part was, i am so fatigued on the day i woke up. Back to Jasmine. Well, on Saturday, i didnt went to Gurney and Queensbay with them (Jas, sis and friends) cause i had an argument with my eldest sister. I had to take a ride on her car if i were to follow them but i've decided not to back down. So, i stayed at home. Me, some friends accompanied her till morning at my home playing card games and computer games.

Early in the morning we had breakfast and went back to again my house to play some more. At night, we had dinner on a restaurant-like shop eating 'Hu Tao Bee Hoon' or rather 'Fish Head Bee Hoon'. The name is like that but well, we didnt really eat those. Later on, we went to the beach behind Paradise Hotel and captured some great pictures there. Checkout my friendster profile to look at the pics. My com is going crazy so i cant upload any pics. Maybe next time, maybe not. Well, we had lots of fun and that's it. Sadly, she's going to Singapore to further her studies and probably won't come back here again. Her relatives stays there and she herself plans to get P.R. (permanent resident) and move her family there. Since her sister is also working there. But of course she will come back for holiday once in a while. And about dont know how many years later, my 2nd sis is going in followed by my eldest sis. Soon after, it's my turn to migrate there and most probably, me too will apply for P.R.

Frankly speaking, Malaysia sucks in the sense of government. I like my country but not the way they administer it. In moral, they teach us about the word 'ADIL' (justice/fair) but the government themselves are not fair. They always give priorities to the Malays and not us, the Chinese, Indians and other races. The only thing that worries us is our parents. We (sis and me) dont think our parents wanna move to S'pore with us.

Third of all,

Well, i just saw the comment Edward wrote to me.I dont really check my blogger things that often and i just found out other than his comment, there are others too and sweatz...it's like more than a year. Frankly speaking, I've totally forgotten about why i am angry of him until i read my previous post. But then again, actually i am only angry like for a few days. And after that, i am just playing with the angry thing. It seems that it lasted kinda long but i kinda like stuck to it. Well, since i dont think he's reading my post anymore, i dare to say this. After the incident, i dream about him quite a few days. I dreamed about him saying sorry to me and me saying sorry to him and all that kind of stuffs. Well, in his comment and the post in his blog he asked me to read. I'd like to say that i agree on certain ones and disagree on certain ones.

First of all, i do not defend my friend because i'm obligated to do so but it's because i wanna do so and seeing someone whom i consider like a best/good friend said is bad...reeeeeealy bad. Well, now i know that he's not the one who wrote 'M2K loves Daniel', it makes clear of everything. But one thing is that, i have doubt that he never said he despises me. But, what the heck. I am not really a person who keep all these kind of thing. Maybe the Malay proverb 'Masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri, tetapi ada yang sudah terpahat di hati' is correct but well, i tend to forget all the bad things easily. I am not that calculative, and sometimes, i do the 'Chin Luien Kam Feng' thing just like that. Translated in English it meant something like, 'Money throw here, throw there'. Sorry i hate translating cause i am really stupid in explaining stuff. I do miss him as a friend and i wonder if this is fate cause i just talk to him today out of desperation to call Matthew and here i am. Checking out my blog and found his comment.

Anyway, i do have to agree a small group of friends is better than a big group of friends. I too have seen many who were neglected by their big group of friends just like that. In a big group of friends, you dont or maybe wont really know what's inside them and as a result, a more unstable friend relationship occurs. Since i am in primary i have this habit of having small groups of friends. I started on standard 1 with Chu Han and Kuan as my best friends and later on developed into four by adding Matthew into the list. But on the last year of my primary, things changed. Conflicts occurs and i have a new group of friends with Razeen, Fikri, Satish and me myself. It's really a multiracial group with the Muslim Razeen, Malay, Indian and Chinese. I do miss the time with them and i do miss Fikri and Satish. I've lost contact with them except Razeen because he's in the same school as i am. Fikri went to boarding school while Satish's UPSR result wasnt good and were sent to SMK Georgetown.

Well, i do wanna make further elaboration but well, i guess time is the essence and i have to take my nap before i go for tuition. But i guess that's all. One thing is that i will not say sorry to Edward cause i dont think i am all wrong and sorry isnt the kind of word i usually use and furthermore, it's kinda hard to say sorry just like the song sang by Blue "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word". I do not know if this will be my last post until SPM is over but i hope that i have some more time to spend on my blog. Tataz... Renzokuzen, out.